The most comprehensive study about corporal punishment to date has been recently released. An analysis of 62 years and 88 studies has concluded that corporal punishment does more harm than good. The research, as well as the response, is being published this week in Psychological Bulletin, a publication of the American Psychological Association (APA).
I don’t doubt the veracity of the study, especially not having read it. I do think, however, that it is of little use to normal people. I’m sure that several conclusions can be drawn from it but, how much if it is useful outside the mental health community? As a parent, the things that have “guided my hand” are:
1. How angry am I?
If I’m not being rationally angry or, if I’m a little angry… I’ve learned that is the worst time to decide to spank. Period. I always allow myself a cooling off period to determine the best course of action
2. How old is the child?
Babies that are under 18 months benefit very little from spankings. Their memory is very short and an awful lot of pain needs to be applied for them to remember and learn new behavior patterns at that age. Similarly, 10 or 11 is too old. If the child cannot modify his own behavior using the rules that you have carefully set forward, then spanking will be of little use. Except to satisfy your own anger, which if true, is indeed unfortunate for the child to say the least… to say the most, it’s quite simply child abuse. Hint to young parents, get to work now, by age 10, it’s too late.
3. What happened?
Was someone hurt or, placed in danger because of the actions of the child? Did they place themselves in danger? If so, then a the rule of spanking must be applied in a consistent manner. Otherwise, alternative methods of punishment should be examined. This has always been my criteria for deciding if a spanking was necessary. If no one was hurt, then applying hurt probably won’t help or teach them much.
4. Do the ends justify the means?
If the act so severe that a spanking was warranted, then make it a memorable incident. If you are going to use pain as an behavioral aversion tactic, don’t tap the kid’s backside with the tip of your little finger. Always measure the pain delivered, make the child understands how many they will get then, deliver it in a consistent and “purposeful” manner.
5. Follow through… After the pain.
Deal with the aftermath and tears in a loving manner. If needed, walking away for a moment to allow some reflection is good but, come back and speak to the child. Hold them and let them know you love them and aren’t angry with them anymore, etc. Don’t allow them to sit in solitary confinement… they will forget quickly what they did to get them in their predicament. What will echo in their mind is what you did, not what they did. Use the time after a spanking to it’s best. Most parents miss this part.
If you are going to use corporal punishment, use it in an effective, consistent, and controlled manner. Use only your hand (no wood, belts, paddles, etc…) Demonstrate carefully that hazardous, malicious, and careless behavior has a dire consequence. If you can’t apply most of what I mentioned above to most situations, then don’t spank. Use it as a last resort and as an ultimate penalty. Otherwise, they will quickly become immune to it. When a person becomes immune to violence, not only do I consider it be abuse but, I also believe that it will teach the child to deal with the rest of their lives in a violent manner as well.