Well, here we sit facing a new era of political dysfunction at the hands of yet another set of people. People, of course, who also think they got it right and that “it’s about damn time!” Like it was “about damn time” in 1992. Somehow, not too suprisingly, I’m profoundly unmoved by it all. There is no good feeling in me after this jubilant victory. Conversely there is no bad feeling in this terrible defeat. Depending how you feel about it. Myself, I feel literally nothing. Apathy, that’s what I feel mostly… I’ll get back to that later.
Meanwhile, I tried the all alternatives, in vain. I tried Perot’s party back in 1992. Like many of us, I also was fed up with the ridiculousness of Reaganomics as well as the sad and ineffectual nature of the entire Carter era. I embraced Perot’s sensible and business-like approach to politics but, like most 3rd. party figureheads, there is always an unseemly side to them. His was his black helicopter chasing nature. Understandably so, many of his black helicopters were indeed real. However it doesn’t change the fact that his waffling and eventual withdrawal from the ’92 race was devastating to the “Reform/United We stand” party effort. It never recovered even when he came back.
I tried to support Harry Browne and the Libertarians. I’m very much in favor of the politics of the Libertarians. Unfortunately, Browne can’t buy a break. He has achieved nearly as much as Nader in his personal life. But, he is about as interesting as economics professor. No offense intended, of course. Bill Clinton proved that no one can be electable without a personality. No one. John McCain is living proof of that. GeeDubbya is living proof that a personality doesn’t even have to be smooth and charming. You just have to have a personality. Period. For Browne this is and always will be his undoing.
Sadly for the Green party, they can’t seem to marshall a candidate with more credibility than Nader. Who is no lightweight and well deserving his role in our culture. But, what he has in clout, intelligence, and damn fine thinking he has lost in personality. He has the charisma of a bucket of wet tuna. Unfortunately, he is the non-charismatic, hyper-capable, bucket of tuna in a bad suit. He always will be. I hate to dwindle his magnificent career into that sad sentence but, it’s about the long and short of things.
As for the rest of the Greens as well as the other “alternatives” out there. When you can manage to unearth a candidate that isn’t wearing a rainbow colored clown wig and shouting about dismantling the government and making the blue-crested turd burglar the national bird, I’ll get on board. Until then, do your best to keep those kooks up to date with their distemper shots and keep them away from me. If I hear another “alternative party” candidate say “what’s the difference between the democrats and the republicans anyway?” I’m going to be ill. Of course there is no difference between them, numb nuts. Tell me, what manner of “difference” will I get from you? The imagination reels with the possibilities. Visions of “National Flatulence Day” and Jessie Ventura’s picture on the $20 bill pass through my weary and literally apathetic mind.
I guess the republicans were very close with Reagan. Turning to Hollywood was brilliant, they got the next best thing to John Wayne himself. He had the persona of his generation down pat. He was the supreme representative of the conservative WWII generation mentality, he personified the auspice and the air of the office of president, that’s for sure. But, I’m reminded of his age… a comedian I heard once said: “Ronald Reagan is 80 years old… my grandfather is 80 and we don’t let him use the remote.” Ah well, If they are looking for 8 more years of that, I think they better hang on to their golf carts. It’ll be a bumpy ride for them indeed.
So, that’s pretty much why I’m declaring myself the leader of the Apathist party. You can support me if you want to, I really don’t care. I’ll write myself in from here on out. I can hardly stand to witness this perverse dance any longer. If you can, more power to ya.