Hastings, Nebraska police are investigating the discovery a severed human penis found near the vaccum at an auto wash. They take disembodied peni very seriously, they called a press conference, launched a homicide investigation (which is normal, under the circumstances) and called in other agencies. Police say they weren’t sure if the pathologist would be able to determine if the body part was removed from a living or deceased man. They also did not know what was used to sever the body part and said the examinations should determine if the penis is whole or not. Hastings police are requesting that anyone with possible information about this incident call them at (402) 461-2380.
The locals reacted, ” “My only thought is there’s some guy missing it somewhere,” said Mike Nelson, 25, of Hastings. “How could he not notice it missing?”
Said 38-year-old Chris Geier of Hastings: “I thought about buying the car wash and calling it Frankenwash.” (Hey, that’s really funny! You should do it, you doofus…)