Category: Humor
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Price for hot air continues to skyrocket
So, apparently the New York Times has decided to charge non-subscribers for unlimited use of its site. I’m not sure if I can speak for anyone but myself but, I just don’t care. I think I’d rather eat a news paper than actually read it and I won’t pay anyone for the filler between advertisements that they’ve shoved down my throat for decades.
All I can really say about news print media is, good bye and good riddance. As the MBA’s frantically scramble to try to figure out how to wring blood from turnips, I’ll just keep on gathering my news in my own way, reading what really is good content. For free.
Sorry papers, you lost us all. Too bad your content was so abysmal that you drove the advertisers and readers out the door. Too bad your senior executive ranks couldn’t live without multi-multi-million dollar salaries and bonuses, even in a near depression. Too bad you couldn’t understand the impact of the internet until it consumed your advertisers and readers. Too bad I’ve nothing to line the bottom of birdcages…
Are you paying attention Comcast, Time Warner, Rogers, Etc.. ?! I doubt it. I sincerely doubt it because your are next and I can hardly wait.
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Lonely? Call 1-800-hot-dems
Mich. Dems’ typo directs voters to phone-sex line
DETROIT (AP) — Michigan Democrats trying to arouse interest in absentee voting have accidentally directed people to a phone-sex line.
State party spokeswoman Liz Kerr says a flier that included two absentee ballot applications had a misprint in the number for a campaign hotline.
The flier came from the Michigan Democratic State Central Committee and featured photos of presidential candidate Barack Obama and U.S. Sen. Carl Levin.
The error was first reported by WJBK-TV in Detroit. Kerr says the party apologizes for the misprint.
Well, look on the bright side. The Michigan democratic party turned a bunch of shut-ins on to a new addiction.
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April Fools Sightings
Google Gulp …a DNA scanner embedded in the lip of your bottle reading all 3 gigabytes of your base pair genetic data in a fraction of a second, fine-tuning your individual hormonal cocktail in real time using our patented Auto-Drink technology, and slamming a truckload of electrolytic neurotransmitter smart-drug stimulants past the blood-brain barrier to achieve maximum optimization of your soon-to-be-grateful cerebral cortex. Plus, it’s low in carbs! And with flavors ranging from Beta Carroty to Glutamate Grape, you’ll never run out of ways to quench your thirst for knowledge… Hell, I’d buy it.
Bush twins enlist in Airforce, going to Iraq – “We’d always planned to do this,” Jenna explained. “But first, we had to graduate from college, and then we had to help our father win the 2004 election, to ensure that America would continue to have the kind of strong, inspiring leadership it needs in these troubled times.” Right, well… ummmm…
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You See The Darndest Things Without A Camera
Today I was at a stoplight behind an aged Lincoln Town Car. The dealer badge was Krapohl Ford Lincoln Mercury. Sure, enough I looked them up and they are in Mt. Pleasant, MI and have a pretty good rating. Despite the fact that it’s an, ahhhhh… Krap-ohl. I better start carrying a camera all the time, I guess.
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Biggest Veterans Day Story Out There
Hustler Magazine to publish topless photos of Jessica Lynch. A few pics, depicting her horsing about topless with a couple of guys from Ft. Bliss prior to her deployment. Larry Flynt got the pics from those same two guys (nice move) for a six-figure price. He said he’s publishing them to expose the fraud that is the entire “Jessica Lynch” mythos and teary-eyed support of her becoming the poster child for our cost in the war.
1). She is a poster-child. Her and her entire unit are poster children for our woeful unpreparedness in the face of a real, competent, well-armed and dangerous enemy. I’ve said that so much now, that I’m tried of the matter. I believe that it’s pointless to hash it all up again. So many others have done it far more eloquently than I can, I’ll leave it to them.
2). The media and the White House spin machine is far worse than Larry Flynt. He is quite simply, cashing in on a moment in time. The media, on the other hand, has done a far, far worse job of exploiting her publicly for whatever they are trying to prove. They’ve shown off far more of her than Hustler Magazine will, with far less tangible information. Hey, her boobs are real… we still don’t know the real story of her “war heroism.” The best story we have, so far, is that she wrecked, running hell-bent-for-election (pun intended) while being chased out of an ambush. It has been leaked (from her book) that she was have been raped however, there is sincere doubt about that from her doctors. True or, not, it didn’t stop the media from treating it as pure news and reporting as fact.
3). She made it out alive, what about Lori Piestewa who didn’t? Or, Patrick Miller, who really did act in an heroic manner? Oh, nevermind… they’re not photogenic enough.
4). She did risk her life for your country while serving in wartime. She was captured, injured, and even presumed dead for some time. Her real thanks will be that she has become a martyred poster child for Gulf II for all sides of the fence. The liberals used her for demonstrating their cause, the conservative hawks used her to demonstrate the ruthlessness of our enemies, and the press used her to push copies of their product off shelves.
I do hope she uses all of them, so as never to have to work again for the rest of her life.
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Funny, I Don’t Feel Rich?
Find your place on the Global Rich List. How rich are you? (via metafilter)
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Nike Buys Converse
Nike Inc. has announced that it will buy Converse for $305 million, about 10 days income for Nike. This is quite a shrewd business decision on Nike’s part. Mostly because the Chuck Taylor All Star’s achieved something they couldn’t really do. They just bought an entire brand heritage that appeals to a counter-culture and underground market that they probably couldn’t have created if they wanted to, let alone understood. Business looks even better for the old brand because retro shoes are cool, once again. The PF Flyer (New Balance) just relaunched this year, as well as some others. Canvas and rubber retro is apparently on the rise again, despite the fact that there probably isn’t a less attractive shoe on the market. Which is what made them appealing to the “rebels” and the “counter culture” to begin with. But, thanks to musical figures they are the thing, my kids have been wearing them for well over a year. Not just the All-Stars but, early 80’s-style retro shoes like the Air Force One and the Adidas Top Ten.Well, now the teeming masses of child-slaves will be working hard to help you achieve your individuality. To help you make your, very important personal statement. Because you are an individual… just like everyone else. Don’t feel too badly about the sell-out, someone has got to make them, someone has to distribute them, someone has to retail them. Some American jobs are bound to be created as a result. I hope.
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Bush Falls Off Segway, Bin Laden Not Suspect
GeeDubbya fall off Segway but, lands on feet. Nation goes to orange alert. Pretzels said not to be a factor. Cheney’s cardiac team on full alert as Vice Pres. can’t stop laughing from his orbiting headquarters.
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Rare E-mail Humor
E-mail jokes are almost all much older than anyone realizes. Sometime their origins can be traced back many years before the internet to BBS and Usenet postings. Exceptional examples have been circulating around in the strange, yet somehow still intact, fax network. Earliest and most primitive examples were found bouncing back and forth on teletype machines. Even stranger still, there are some that are much older as they can be traced back to that terrifying and confusing age before computer enabled communications (shudder). More often than not, if you’re reading it, it was written years ago. Many times, an old joke is given a new twist and sent out as original material. The sender changes some aspect of the “premise” and mails it merrily on to as many people as they can.
Examples of unique, unaltered, and barely circulated text are indeed rare. This is an example. A few Google searches of “Michigan Driving Rules” and even selections of the text “A real Michigan driver never uses them.” or, “without ABS, it’s a chance to stretch your legs.” reveal this is indeed originally authored as Michigan Driving Rules. I’m quite sure that they were originally authored years ago and have been added to and frequently changed to reflect that individuals point of view, the current conditions, or even the times if they are exceedingly old. Of course, once I post it here and you e-mail it to a few of your friends and family member, it won’t be rare anymore. Regardless, this is an example of on of those rare finds(sent in by Heather):
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